How To Not Hate Your Ex

Husband, boyfriend, friend, ex employer, or anyone you've broken up with

I audibly laughed when I typed that title. Sometimes when I sit down to write a Substack, I just start brainstorming titles and throw them into the subject line to see how they feel. When one gives me that little ping in my gut, I usually know it’s the one. And then, halfway through writing, if I start boring myself, I know it’s headed straight for the cutting room floor.

Well… here we are.

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked how Grant and I have managed to stay friends post-split, I’d be a billionaire. I’d also be a millionaire if I had a one-size-fits-all manual on how to do it step by step.

But I don’t. What I do have is some hard-earned perspective and a theory.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that a lot of people who hate their exes are really just hating the part of themselves that negotiated too much for too long.

You know how sometimes you have a gut feeling that you just don’t listen to? So you keep going and stay quiet to keep the peace. Or perhaps you tolerated or negotiated your own happiness even though deep down. You felt unfulfilled. Maybe you stayed in a relationship longer than you knew you should have.